A 9 Year-Old Child Struggles to Find Confidence and Hope

Girl was looking at Horse, her eyes wide open and scared. She has cerebral palsy. She cannot walk and even keep her balance. Weak muscles, you cannot do it alone, let me help you… she would hear these words said to her constantly…

And now they tell her to climb this big, beautiful, but at the same time fearsome animal. She is scared, very scared. But she tries to gather all her will and overcome the fear. She smiles and stretches her hand to Horse’s muzzle and touches the animal’s nostrils. Horse moves his head whisking flies away. The child jumps and withdraws her hand. Her big, dark eyes again fill with fear.

Horse, as if feeling guilty for scaring the child, carefully drags his muzzle to Girl’s hands and licks her fingers. Girl smiles again and stretches her hand to Horse’s head. Horse remains quiet this time. The child pets his soft, silky neck.

She is lifted on Horse’s warm neck. Horse takes a step, then another one. The ground, trees start going around. It seems to the child that she is falling. She grasps the wiry hair of Horse’s mane. Thinking she is causing pain to the animal, she lets the hair go. She doesn’t yet know that Horse has no nerves on the mane and tail.

Again she has a feeling of falling down. She grasps her own clothes, squeezes fingers and strains all her muscles not to fall down.

After a round in the riding corral it becomes easier. She still slides on the unsaddled horse, but now can manage her balance, holding with hands and legs. And even though her legs are still strained and hands ache so badly, she squeezes them and laughs. The laughter is loud and unbridled. Her little 8 years old soul cannot grasp why she is so happy, why she wants to hug the entire world and share her happiness with it.

After 10 minutes she gets off the horse. Then she stands without leaning against anything while the hippotherapist counts. One, two, three… eight.  The child falls down on her mom’s hands. Her weakness doesn’t cause anger but just a laugh and a wish to try again. Now another test waits for her. Eight dogs run to her to play, to get stroked. Dogs frighten Girl much more than horses. She asks her mom to hold her, to put her on the table, somewhere high where the dogs will not be able to reach her. The hippotherapist and horse trainer call the dogs back. Seven of them immediately obey but little Masha just cannot believe the fact that someone in this world can remain indifferent to her charm. Over and over again the dog approaches the child.  Paying no attention to her screaming, the dog licks her feet. Finally Girl agrees to pet her. Fearfully, with just two fingers, she pets the dog. Everyone praises her and says how brave she is. A feeling that she is strong returns to Girl.

“Will we come here tomorrow?” she asks her mother with shining eyes.

And her mom nods. Her eyes are wet.

Next day, exercises on walking Horse start. A feeling of helplessness and weakness returns. Not managing to raise her hands aside and up, she falls down on Horse’s neck. She looks at the practitioners with fear. What if they also will call her weak and incapable?

“I can’t,” she whispers.

“You can,” is they answer calmly. “You just need to work hard.”

And she tries. And she manages. Not at once, but after months of hard work…

After several months she can do exercises on improving balance and coordination; difficult even for adult “healthy” riders with eyes closed. She not only stands while the hippotherapy practitioner counts, she tries to take steps on her own. One, two, three… today nine steps without holding!

Girl has a ritual before riding a horse. She takes Masha on her laps; Masha lies down on her back while Girl pets her black and white soft belly. Then, it’s the other dogs’ turn. She knows the stories and problems of all of them. The child asks if Dora’s leg has mended (we found the fox hound on the street, run over by a car, and had her operated on). And how is Bim’s stomach? It was aching yesterday? Are Bim and Aslan still fighting or finally became friends? What about Arjuk and Dodo? Are they still fighting for territory? Then she announces happily that Berta’s arthritic legs are better compared to the last time and Mumu, always indifferent to her, today came and licked her palm.

Then she feeds the horses with apples and sugar. She complains that Kharounzhi devours the sugar but Salma adamantly refuses it. She then asks, over and over again, when she can ride Jeffa.  She is warned that Jeffa is a difficult and nervous horse, and that it is too early for her to ride that horse. But one day, she definitely will ride Jeffa.

In the meanwhile, she has started to gain mastery over Salma, her favorite horse. Salma is very tricky. She behaves differently to the children attending hippotherapy sessions and to those learning horseback riding. She is very obedient and careful with the children; they do not have to make any effort for Salma to correctly pace in the corral. But if the riders lose concentration just for a second, Salma takes them here and there and in the end, right to the stables. She does this with the most innocent look on her face, as if she is just obeying the rider’s commands.

Salma has always regarded Girl as a child. But today, Girl is left totally alone on Salma. The horse reaches the end of unfenced riding place and instead of doing left turn, pauses for a moment and takes the child to the right. Girl’s heart sinks. She knows about this trait of Salma. In the past, “strong and healthy” riders would get mad at Salma for pulling this trick. However, the “sick and weak” child would secretly dream of being “tricked” by Salma in the same way. And her dream comes true. Salma recognizes her as a rider.

Girl feels like she is a queen of the world; strong, big, and almighty.

It is a feeling of euphoria – a strong desire to live, survive and be happy. Her mother loves horses just for giving that feeling to her daughter. Her daughter has taken many therapies and treatments but hippotherapy is the only one when her child does not even realize she is under treatment. It is the only one when the woman doesn’t see boredom on her child’s face, from repetitive exercises, but happiness.

Girl has started to learn trotting. When a new student comes to hippotherapy center to learn horseback riding, Girl is asked to teach them the basics.  She, a “weak, incapable” child tells a “big, strong” man that learning horse riding is not an easy thing; that he must try hard. She explains to the rider how the rhythm of the horse’s spine vibrations impacts the rider’s muscles, and how all bad and sad thoughts disappear while riding. She wants to be a trainer when she grows up.

Girl is 9 years-old, but she’s never been to school. She never wanted to go because she knew she was different from the other kids. She feared that in the school she would be told “you are weak or you can’t.”

Now, she has no more fear. If she can handle this big, strong animal with the slightest of hand movements, then she can manage everything else.

She tells her Mom that she wants to go to school but one where they teach drawing as well. Not only does the girl want to become a horse trainer, she also wants to become an artist in order to paint her majestic horses.

This is just one of the “happy stories” that takes place at our center (www.centaur.am) every day. Every day, this girl and children like her prove that there are no limited possibilities, just a limited view of possibilities. If one wants and believes in something, then anything is possible.