Valya Antonyan: “It’s too late now, way too late”

In the morning, my girlfriend and I departed for the village of Haterk, in the Martakert district of Artsakh. The project before us was to compile a TV segment on traditional regional cuisine.

A table of sumptuous local foods, manned by a group of hospitable Haterk women, had been prepared to welcome us.

69 year-old Valya Antonyan, told us about the ingredients and preparation of each dish. Along with her epicurean commentary, Valya also let us in on her life story.

After completing the fifth grade, Valya and her classmates left their village school in Chaglik to attend the one on the nearby village of Haterk.

Young girl abducted as a bride

“I had just entered the eighth grade when Grisha, my future husband, first saw me. He did everything to gain my attention even though I avoided his advances. I told him straight bout that I was still too young to even consider marriage and besides, I had eyes for another. Nevertheless, I promised to wait until he returned from the army,” recounts Valya.

At first, Grisha said that he would wait for Valya to finish school before getting married. Soon after, however, news arrived from the army that Grisha intended to steal the girl away.

One day, as was her routine, Valya had left school on the walk home. Grisha appeared and took Valya firmly by the arm and led her off. His friends were waiting with a horse. The young girl was tied to the saddle and taken away. Valya was bound so tightly that she fainted along the way.

“Before fainting, I tried to resist as best I could. Grisha had a good hold on me; like a pair of pliers. I don’t remember much else. I came to after they poured some cold water on my face,” Valya recounts.

Upon awakening, the first thing Valya noticed was her muddied and torn clothes. She vainly tried to make herself presentable.

Her fingers had frozen from the pain and fear she felt. Grisha tried to set her mind at ease.

They spent the night in a nearby valley covered with blackberry bushes.

Their attempted flight was nipped in the bud. They were spotted and brought back.

“The nest day, my future father-in-law came and took me to the neighboring village on horseback. We went to a house of one of his friends. They made a place for me to stay that night up on the roof. I asked for some new clothes so that I could wash the ones I was wearing. In the morning, the police came looking for me but the woman of the house covered my mouth, ordering me not to say a word,” Valya says.

Marriage conducted “village style”

Later that night, the police came back and secretly escorted Valya away, taking her to the Martakert police station. Given that Valya’s future father-in-law was a cop, the matter was resolved “village style”.

They placed a pen and paper in Valya’s hand and, hitting the table with the butt of a pistol, they forced her to write her parents that she had voluntarily run away.

Afterwards, her parents went to the police station and brought the girl back home. But instead of consoling the young girl, the parents berated her fiercely, even calling her a degenerate cur.

Cracking from feelings of dishonor, Valya attempted suicide. Luckily, her father snatched the knife away before it was too late. Her parents kept a close watch over her from then on, lest she try something similar again.

Mrs. Valya confessed that life became quite oppressive after the incident. Not only did she have to deal with the derisive and scornful gazes from others, but she felt like a prisoner in her own home.

“A week later, Grisha’s brother and a few friends came to the house to offer a marriage proposal. I had no other choice but to consent. The situation had become unbearable. They took me away as the bridegroom. Grisha received his army draft papers so I was left in the care of my old hag of a mother-in-law.”

Thus, instead of going to school, Valya started to work at a collective farm alongside the wife of her husband’s brother from the age of fifteen. Soon after, Grisha was discharges from the army. They had three children when her husband Grisha died in a tragic accident.

Sons volunteer for Artsakh War

Valya, then 31 years-old, took care of the kids on her own. The eldest was 12 and the youngest a mere 7 months old. As a single mother with five children, she was sent off to various jobs. Oftentimes, Valya often worked at more than one job at a time.

When the Artsakh liberation started her three sons, all grown up and married, joined up with the volunteer defense units.

“On June 4, 1992, I left everything behind and fled with the rest of the villagers to Stepanakert. We just made it out. I was bathing my grandchild when the enemy planes started to bomb the town. I managed to clutch him and run down to the cellar. The next day we left for Kirovakan (present Vanadzor). In February, 1993, our village was liberated and we returned to Haterk,” Valya recounts.

Like father, like son?

When they returned, they found the village completely burnt to the ground. Only the stones walls of their house and stable remained standing. They rebuilt from scratch. In 1993, Massis, one of her sons, “kidnapped” a bride of his own.

Seda, Massis’ wife, told us that before the battle he had come to their house armed with grenades and a gun, telling her folks that he planned to take her away.

Seda says that Massis threatened to blow the house up if she didn’t consent. Seda agreed and was whisked away under Massis’ military coat.

“The guys heading off to the front at first couldn’t make out who it was that head joined them in the dark of night. But when they realized who it was they started to clap and sing as we passed by,” says Massis.

Mrs. Valya says it was after midnight when her son called her and told her that he had brought his bride to be home. She jumped out of bed, fumbled for a dish, and placed it at the doorway for the bride to break before entering.

The couple broke the dish according to tradition.

At the end of or meeting I asked Ms. Valya how her life would have changed if she hadn’t been abducted for marriage. Without hesitating, she said she would have finished school and married her true love.

“One day I was out watering the garden, my feet stuck in the mud. Suddenly, I heard a voice call out to me. It was the boy I had a crush on in school. The one I made a promise to wait for. Seeing my predicament, the boy put his two hands on his head and said, ‘I would have never let you get to this state. You deserve better.’ What can I do now? It’s too late now, way too late.”