By Marineh Khachadour

Here is a disclaimer: I want peace, and I want it now! Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Ukraine...I don't want another country added to this list, especially the place of my birth, which I think of as my homeland.

I remember the women and the children from Getashen, Martouni, Chilou huddled under make shift tents in the public parks of Yerevan at the start of the war in the early 90s. Men without arms and legs; boys barely out of high school returning home in caskets. Their mothers donned in black-faces and hearts aged overnight. Thousands of refugees displaced from Sumgait and Baku housed in cramped dormitories in and outside of the city.  A woman named Gyulnara on her knees, praying and begging for an opportunity to kill the Turk or his compatriots, who had ordered the execution of her brother in front of her and her children. Families in pain, hearts broken, lives violently disrupted.  I remember the cold and dark days in Armenia due to lack of natural gas flow and shortage of electricity as a result of blockade from Azerbaijan, the opposing side and the initiator of the war over the enclave of Nagorno Karabagh.

This is the reality of war and much worse regardless of who initiates it. In 2014, there is an abundance of documented proof from the regions of the world immersed in destruction today. No one who instigates and advocates war is my friend or a friend to humanity, because war destroys.

I met the late Anahit Bayandur, a voice from the past, 20 years ago to be exact, in her office at the ex-central committee building on Baghramian Street. She was surrounded by her colleagues from Helsinki Citizens' Assembly discussing the outcomes of the HCA conference in Stockholm. At the time, she was one of the seven female members of the Armenian Parliament.

While most of her colleagues demanded that the government adopt a hard line policy concerning the resolution of the Karabagh conflict, Anahit addressed the issues of ceasefire and peace as stepping stones toward a just solution of the problem. In an attempt to realize her goal, she initiated Armenia's participation in the Helsinki Citizens' Assembly (Europe based citizens' rights watch group) in March of 1992, and in August, she joined the HCA delegation in a visit to Baku.

"Unconditional ceasefire is the first step," she said. "After that, Karabagh has to be recognized as a 'peace-zone'(a demilitarized area where no military actions will be allowed.) Additionally, we have to create 'islands of peace' in regions where peaceful relations exist to some extent among the residents. Ijevan-Kazakh area is such a region."

Not only the representatives of nine different countries at HCA, but several individuals on the Azeri side saw this plan as desirable and most realistic. Bayandur had met with a few individuals in Azerbaijan. Arzu Abdulayeva, the Azeri representative to HCA, Layla Yunusova, an official of Azerbaijan’s Defense Ministry, involved in the equilateral exchange of hostages, and Sabir Rustamkhanli, a representative of Azeri intelligentsia and a member of the National Front were collaborating with the group's efforts.

Anahit Bayandur believed strongly that peaceful negotiations with our neighbors were necessary and that many in Armenia and in Azerbaijan were in support of peace. "They understand that negotiations may only continue after each side has recognized the rightfulness of the other side," said Anahit.

However, she was keenly aware that people equate a call for peace with betrayal, and no one wants to be considered a traitor.  "Everyone thinks that they have to support fighting for land even if they don't really believe in this. People are afraid to speak their mind, if their thoughts diverge from public opinion. That is why those of us who are active and vocal have to take concrete steps," she explained.

 How do you talk about peace to a mother or a wife who has just lost a loved one? I questioned. "Give them some time," she said thoughtfully. "In war, values become distorted, integrity is lost, and so is respect for another human being's life. In time, we will stop thinking of each other as enemies. Only love and forgiveness will take us out of this state."

To many, this will sound mushy and naive. In reality, hers is the voice of wisdom, the feminine "yin" that is necessary to balance the masculine "yang."

Today, Layla Yunusova is in Azeri jail and a group marching for peace on the streets of Yerevan is being criticized by Armenians. 

Twenty years of development in a state of relative peace obviously has not strengthened people's understanding and commitment to sustaining peace. Where did we go wrong? 

People take peace for granted. Although it is a natural state of being, in a world governed and led predominantly by masculine energy, peace easily breaks. In Anahit Bayandur's words, "Men are, by nature, more aggressive. They tend to force their views without acknowledging the other side's rightfulness." 

We may explain and give excuses why it is OK to kill an Azeri, but we have to recognize that war is a state of imbalance, disharmony, and confusion, which is destructive to life and cannot be justified on either side of the border.

Time, although heals, allows people to forget the pain that can be an impetus to avoid its cause. We must choose a path of negotiation and just resolution now. Years from now many more lives will have been lost, many more women widowed, and many more children orphaned.

Restarting the war after a twenty-year-old cease fire will only attest to the diplomatic impotence of our leaders and the cowardice of those (individuals and national and international decision makers) who seek heroism through another's blood. Mr. Sargsyan, Mr. Aliyev, President Obama, Mr. Putin must know that they are killing other people's children!  

 "Yes!" to flooding the streets of Armenia and Azerbaijan in support of peace as the only precondition to negotiations, and the latter as the only possible vehicle for the resolution of the conflict.

Marineh Khachadour is an educator, writer, researcher working in a public school in Pasadena, California.  She immigrated to the United States from Armenia in 1980 and returned to live and work in Armenia from 1992-1998. During that time she provided educational services and resources for Armenian women and children including refugees and served as Gender in Development Expert with UNDP, Armenia from 1995-1998.