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Hasmik Hovhannisyan

Jeffa – Small Confession of Love

I embrace your neck, standing my back to you. You put your head upon my shoulder half closing one eye and wide opening another one, the way only you can do. I caress your muzzle, flutter your mane…

This is our everyday welcoming before the cleaning. You have one human and one horse eye.  And big-big ears. It says big ears of the horse are a sign of big kindness. My endlessly kind, endlessly shy girl…

Dirty-dirty… My pig… You are ticklish on the belly and run away from the brush all around the box. You could have got used to it so far, but, God, how fancy you are! I get fed up, I have a strong wish to give you a tight slap on muzzle but I cannot even raise my voice on you. You get hurt immediately, walk to the furthest part of the box, your back to me, head down and tremble all over. And tones of sugar are needed to bring you back. My offensive baby…

You are shining clean and saddled. We walk for 5 minutes then start trotting. You run easy and smoothly, today I am feeling you as never before, today we are merged, we want the same. You add in trotting, want to go gallop, sniffing in delight, fasten on the turn and rush to the left so quickly that my breath takes away and it gets dark in front of my eyes. I know it is not right, but I also want to engage in your hooliganism today and I wave my hand: all right, no work for today, let us break all rules… And I give you the rains. I give you absolute freedom, fly, my angel…

But remember how hard our relations in the beginning Jeffa were? You were nervous, I was nervous, you were impatient, I was impatient… You would hurry up, would not understand, would not want, I would yell from the bottom of my heart, you would get more frightened… You would begin either to trample on the spot or run back to front. I would pull down the rains, shout that have no more patience. You would tremble all over…

You were afraid of people. Their attitude to you has always been consuming.

I would calm down, my tears of powerless anger would dry out. I would come into your box, hug your long, thin neck and whisper - forgive me… For me it was not easy either, Jeffa. Horse meant Kitoboy to me. I have lost him Jeffa . And I compared everybody with him. I needed time, Jeffa…

You would put your head down upon my shoulder. My noble girl…

But that all is left behind, Jeffa. I learnt to stop comparing. I learnt to be calm. You learnt to trust. Your kind soul could forget the pain people gave to you. We learnt to understand each other without words.

Remember how we were learning to jump over the water channels in the fields? Remember, how we were learning not to be scared of flying plastic bags and broken colorful cars on the way? Remember how I was convincing you to step into the small water puddle but you were standing with eyes wide open, dancing on the spot? But just a week after you were entering the big pond. Remember how we were walking on the big stones, you were stopping, turning to me as if asking helplessly – and where to go now? And now you walk on the slippery stones with great confidence.

We learnt a lot from each other and went through so much together. Remember how you tore the rope you were tied on, ran away from the pasture to the stable, could not hold on the turn, fell down and hurt your side badly? I was the only one whom you allowed to treat your wound. Remember when you lost your foal? Poisk’s girl. I was hugging you and crying but you were trying to get rid of my hands and go back to your hay. You even did not notice that you had a miscarriage. Nature is wise.

Jeffa… my endlessly kind, endlessly spoilt, endlessly beautiful girl… Sometimes you recall your stubborn past. Sometimes I again go crazy. But even then I love you. A lot…

I am embracing your neck, standing my back to you. You put your head upon my shoulder half closing one eye and wide opening another one, the way only you can do. I caress your muzzle, flutter your mane…

Comments (2)

aram
Bravo Hasmik, you are an anomaly, a believer and a fresh air in our land of people with much despair. See you in Ushi. A neighbor
Hasmik
Thanks a lot, Aram! Ushi itself is an anomaly so I have to catch up with ha ha. See you in Ushi! :)

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